JUNE 2012

How did I ever get myself into this mess? I swear, I love 'em and they leave me. If I don't want them then they refuse to go. This bastard, as I call him most times now, just up and started dating another woman because I didn't call him for a few days. Some folks say it's all my fault but I like to believe that he's just an ass! 7 full months we spent together. Weekend getaways, moments snatched during busy schedules, his surgery, my car breaking down. And all because of a little phone mix up he drops me like a hot potato.
I won't lie, my heart is aching everyday. It's been 2 full months and the sting still feels like he said the words to me last night. He was hateful about it too. Smug and happy with himself.
How do you get over heartache? How do you have faith to know that all will be well sooner, rather than later. People always talk about how GOD knows what will happen before we do and all things work out for the good of those who love HIM. Well,.... where is my good. I'm so tired of dating and meeting new men, weeding out the bad from the good, from the rotten. I don't think I will love again, by choice. F&%K love. It's just another 4 letter word that people use when they cannot express how they truly feel.

 YEP! F&%K LOVE!!!

9-2-09

Now that I have you all cought up and in my mix, we can start the process.........LETS G-O!!

Welcome to VA....where the playas play.......

Well now I'm in VA...Virginia. HHHMMMM........yeah at first things were good. We (me & the girls) got here in February of 2009. I had no job, but my man told me not to worry about that he was gonna take care of everything. So, while I played full time mom and house-girlfriend, my man made all the money. He payed the bills, he bought the necessities and didn't fuss about it. His mother on the other hand wanted to be sure I had a job. Everyday she would ask me if I had gotten a job yet or if I had put in an application here or there. Each time my reply was the same.....YES!!! I wanted to tell her to leave me alone ....I never did. But I did look for and get a job. There began to be friction in the house between, Sweetie & me after about the third month of me being here. He wanted to know what I was doing with the little military stipend I was getting every month. I was paying a few bills but I was also trying to keep up with what my girls needed. But that pissed me off so bad I just looked for a job even harder. I ended up getting a job as a rental agent with one of the subsidized housing facilities in VA. Today was my first day and I like it. I can move up the ladder professionally and I can move around on a daily basis. So I'm gonna be still for now and see what this new life has to offer.
WELCOME TO VA!!!

Day 2: Trying to get it together

Well, after breaking up with the idiot, I began to go back to being the social butterfly that GOD made me. I started to make new friends and went on a few dates....a few. I had made a promise to a very good older woman friend of mine, that I would not get into any new or serious relationships for at least a year. So, I reconnected with an old boyfriend that lived in Virginia and we rekindled some flames. We talked on the phone for about a year and a half. He and I went through some stuff too.....even at that distance. He moved to mid-New York with a girlfriend that he had just broken up with...(idiot) and then after about 4 months ended up moving back to VA.
I went to visit him after talking for about 1 & 1/2 years over the phone, and we really hit it off. So when I got back home I decided to move to Virginia.

Day 1: How did I get into this mess???

Lets go back a couple of years to 2003. February, the weekend before Valentine's Day. I met this VERY hot hottie... I refuse to name names....lets just call him.....Sean. he was looking good and so was I. At this time in my life I had a GREAT job working for the local phone company in my city, Frontier Telephone in Rochester, New York. The money was good and I only had my daughter living with me at the time. My son live din TX with his father. Well on with the story....he was fine to say the least....tall, about 6ft 1inc, brown skinned, nice shave & hair cut, pretty big lips...kinda L-L-ish. I just had to get with that, SO we exchanged numbers and after a couple of months we were a pair. I lost my job due to poor attendance...(going on mini-vacations with him), and I got all new clothes(he thought all my old ones were too tight). That was only the begining. as the years went on I had to know where he was at all times so I got cell phone for us. First with T-mobile then with AT&T. (noone was paying the bills). I would give him money to pay bills and for some reason when he paid them the company made a mistake and lost the payments...never to be seen again. Soon I was pregnant with the first girl, we'll call her J. I had another good job with Verizon Wireless and soon had to give that up. I was giving him half my paycheck every pay period and didn't save for my own car. He would conviently not be available to take me to work or pick me up at times. Once I had to walk about 3 mile while 8 months pregnant to get back into the city because he wouldn't pick up his cell phone. In 2006 I decided to go back to school since I didn't have a job and the military would pay me to go. Now I was preggers again!! (STUPID!) Anywho.... I had another girl... Nuts. Now during that pregnancy, I was begining to see what was going on....he had another girl.....call her Trisha. Now what I believe he was doing was giving her my hard earned money and spending time with her when he was so conviently unavailabe. Did I mention her NEVER spent the night with me. He always had something to do, or would just lie and say he'd be back and not come back for a few days.....(I was an IDIOT). Needless to say I smartened up.....I kicked him out. Then, one day, I looked in the mirror and did not know who was looking back at me.